Why PMs are superior beings and I am the best of the lot

People often ask me “why are you so incredibly awesome, Nick?”

Yes, why am I so incredible? I guess I knew it from a young age. I was special, I was brilliant, I was a PM.

The best presentations in the class. Facilitating blue sky thinking on the playground. Debate team champion. Getting science geeks to do my math homework for me. Raising the flag and driving it. #Winning

Every day I walk in the office I see engineers without direction, lost, hoping for friends on facebook that never come. My product requirements addictive, my vision an experience that will blow their puny little minds. #PMBlood

Need a product out faster? No problem. Just slowly whisper in your dev’s ear to “think faster” and remind them that studies have proven that humans only use a small part of their brains and that you are tired of them holding out on you.

Enlightening experience. Lives changed.

Are they whining about “blockers” in standup? Just yell “Cojones”.

Are they whining about unclear requirements? Reprimand them for lack of vision and call it an opportunity for creativity.

Metrics look poor, compare it with the approval ratings drop of Berlusconi and say that “at the end of the day, in comparison, we are doing great”.

Need search query share? No problem. As I told the Qi-man, “I got this, I am on it”. All in a day’s work. #BingBeatsGoogle

User research, behavioural analysis, relevance… that is for mere mortals. I just *will* users to love my product. I decided it. Done. #Winning #AdonisDNA

Torpedoes of truth. Booyah! I am a PM.. #PMgod

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